Copy&Paste Frm CCPB-FB

Hamba Allah

Assalamualaikum CCPBians..

I been a fan of CCPB for a couple of month now , i often read about youngster curhat pasal masalah mereka tentang perkahwinan , orang ke tiga , etc. I know how you people feels b'cos i been in those position. Here's my story.

Aku kahwin 32 tahun sudah , aku kahwin ketika umurku mengecap 17 tahun , yes im 49 yrs old now . Perkara yang kamu lalui ani bukan baru2 ni , perkara ni dari dulu dah , suami sanggup tinggal kan anak istri , kadang2 ada yang sampai nda cukup makan minum kerna suami menabur duit kepada 'gf' , begitu jua istri2 , ada yang be'bf' dan ada yg segelintirnya sanggup meninggalkan anak2 dan suami kerna mengikut boyfriend mereka , astafirullah alazim..

Perkara ni pernah jua terjadi kepadaku , suami ku pasang scandle 2-3 urang gf.. Tapi walaupun ia buat hal luar rumah , aku dan anak2 tidak terabai , semua mencukupi.. In my early 20's when my marriage baru menjangkau 5tahun , suamiku selalu keluar malam and baliknya subuh2 , jumpa gf gf nya , aku nda suspect yg suamiku ni buat perkara laknat tapi .Allah swt memperlihatkan aku to all the sins and lies that he kept hidden from me. Bertahun2 ia membuat perkara nda senonoh , berhubungan dgn istri2 orang dan meniduri mereka. Ya allah , kuat dugaan ku ni , hanya DIA saja yg tahu rasaku masa tu , luluh rasanya , mana g ku memikirkan anak2 yg kian membesar.. I was really shattered after knowing apa yg dilakukannya.

Aku sedih and hurt , so aku minta cerai , i told him i cant go on with all the lies and betrayal that he had caused. Tapi suamiku bekeras nda mau menceraikan aku , seperti istri2 yg lain , if sudah pekara bgini trjadi , menyamal membwa diri balik kerumah perindungan. Ada jua dalam 5bulan aku disana , suamiku datang hari2 melawat dan memujuk aku tanpa jemu. Suamiku berjanji ia ndakan membuat pekara2 lalu. Memikirkan anak2 yg memerlukan ayah mereka , aku dengan berat hati balik kepangkuan suami , tapi jangan silap , aku bukan terpujuk , my heart was broke , i knw its impossible for me to believe or love him , meluatku meliat suamiku , tapi he didnt give up , he's always home after working 8am-5pm , he help me takecare of the kids , chores , on weekends he would bring the kids out and every once a month he would bring me to a romantic getaway , it sweet and romantic of him but i was still in my insecure and fragile state , so it goes on for years and years , hatiku masih sakit mengenangkan masa lalu tapi kerna anak2 , aku sabar saja..

Two weeks before our 11th anniversary , i broke down and cry the whole day , i just cant go on in this marriage feeling insecure the whole time with him , i felt empty , i questiond myself 'what should i do?' .. So , i took my cousin advised , i did sembahyang 5 waktu and sembahyng hajat , minta beri petunjuk , aku pasrah dan redha saja , aku isi masa lapangku membaca al quran dan yassin.. Day after day , after years of insecurities , i felt light , perfect and happy , masalah tahun2 yg ku lalui hilang macam atu saja , ringan rasanya , as if all the weight that i been carried , GONE ! And then it strikes me , if i wanted happiness in my life and happy marriage , i have to accept semua masalah dan kepayahan hidup dgn redha. Alhamdulillah , my marriage last for 32yrs , it was like a fairytale , i finally had my happily ever after but unfortunetly , my wonderful husband passed away last month , right after a week we celebrate our meaningful 32th anniversary.. No words to describe how i felt , i miss him so much that it hurts much more that i can imigane. Tapi , aku redha dgn takdir ILLAHI and aku bersyukur perkahwinan kami bahagia. Rest in peace my love , insya'allah aku akan menyusul..

My advised to all the young married couple , harap2 kamu bersabar and redha dgn ujian dan takdir Allah swt..
Jika kamu bersabar insya'allah DIA akan memberi kamu apa yg kamu mahukan. Everybody deserved a chance , bukalah lembaran baru , nya .P.Ramlee 'buang yg keruh ambil yg jernih'

Everybody makes mistakes , every mistakes have it sins and every sins should be forgiven.

Al fatihah to my late husband. Wassallam.